Avid reader J.O. writes...

Between my sophomore and junior year in college a buddy of mine that I worked with (being the greatest wing man in the world) happened to round up a couple of Texas girls who had come to Norman to party and have fun, they didn't really know anyone. He calls me and informs me he is bringing them over, knowing that he can't stay, he leaves me with the duty of entertaining them. Now at the time I had a roommate who was not a lady's man at all, so I had call my best friend to come and be my wing man. The night started off very well, we all started drinking and the girls decided they wanted to play beer pong...

Then the night went bad, we made the mistake of leaving my roommate alone with them while my friend and I went out to smoke a cig and talk about our game plan. Within 5-10 minutes my "non-ladies man" roommate managed to scare them off. I spent the next hour or so trying to convince the girls to come back over the phone. We ended up having to wait until my roommate passed out in order to get the girls to come back. The girls came back, but didn't want to do anything other than sleep. Thanks a lot roomie.  You are never allowed around girls that come over.....ever. 

Walk of Shame

Avid Reader P.C. Writes:

I really hit a low point sophomore year. Like every other hugely regrettable night, it all started with a fraternity date party. A toga party. We pregamed for the pregame, and my dates and I were the only ones in my group to actually make it on a bus. The party was sweet, and I made it back to campus without either of my dates throwing up on the bus. Then I met up with my friends at a house across the street.

            I may have been approaching blackout at the pregame, but I didn’t drink at the date party, and it was obvious my friends hadn’t slowed down. I tried to catch up with a couple games of “Don’t Drink and Drive” on Mario Kart 64. Ironic since everyone was ready to leave as soon as the race ended, and I was the idiot to offer my designated drunk driving services. So we pile fifteen deep in my friend’s Escalade, and I drop a couple girls off before heading toward the safety of my Cottage. On Chautauqua, cop lights. Damn tail light out. I claim I’m the DD like every other drunk idiot behind the wheel, but my breath and the sobriety test proved me wrong.           

Cuffs, jumpsuit, drunk tank, bologna sandwich, phone call, release. Then they give me back a bag of my belongings, which consists of one tie-dye sheet. It was a toga party, so I didn’t bring my phone or wallet, and I must have lost my shoes somewhere between dancing to mashups and taking a dump in front of my two cellmates at Cleveland County Jail.

            The bail bondsman forgot to tell my roommates I was released, so they weren’t there to pick me up. So I start walking, nipples out and all. The first person I see is a guy walking his dog who laughs upon seeing me and says, “I’ve made that walk before, but never in a toga.” Thanks for the encouragement.

I’m dreading the walk through Campus Corner, and take as many back allies as I can find. I keep my head down as I walk down College, passed the sorority houses where a girl yells, “Looks like the toga party was a success!” Head down, keep walking.

I’m almost back to the house I left the night before when a guy in a truck pulls over, laughing his ass off. The chaplain of my fraternity.

All my parents know about is the $3000 I’m still working to pay them back. Maybe one day I’ll give them the details about the day their son reinvented the walk of shame.

From the Couch Feb 23

Avid reader Z. K. writes:

"It's sophomore year of college and it being the first time in my life with complete freedom, I'm ready to party. I invited four friends, two girls and two guys, over for the weekend. We found a party with a free LoneStar keg and we got to drinking. The rest of the night is a blur due to drinking way too much beer way too fast.  The strangest memory I had from that night was after we returned to my apartment for the evening. My friend, who had previously passed out in my room, randomly stood up and started spinning in circles. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Ugh where's the bathroom?" she slurred. “Greatttt, I bet she's going to puke the rest of the night,” I said to myself and pointed her in the right direction.  

I woke up the next morning to my friends pounding on the door and screaming “WaffleHouse!” While we were getting ready to go grab some hangover food, one of my friends couldn’t help but mention how bad my room smells. I opened a window and forgot about it since I was still hazy from last night and didn’t want to deal. I figured the smell was probably from puking in the bathroom and I would clean it up later.  After we returned from breakfast I went to check out the smell.  It was weird, my bathroom wasn't a mess, so I took out my trash, I sprayed air freshener, but nothing changed. After TWO weeks of this smell I happened to open my closet.  To my surprise...there sat a big dry pile of crap, It was like buffalo size crap in the corner of my closet.  My female friend had taken a giant crap in my closet! I bet the stain still remains to this day. I have never been able to look my friend in the eye since. Especially, because I never figured out what she used to wipe with."

Things I Wish I learned in College, #2 - College Humor

How many hours a week to you spend browsing COLLEGE HUMOR, TOTAL FRAT MOVE, or, COLLEGE TOWN LIFE to name a few? These are wildly successful websites.  How rough do you have it when your job is to create and promote college related humor?  

Things I Wish I learned in College, #3 - Free Food

Never underestimate the willingness of campus groups to give out free food.  Sure you may not be interested in their "cause," but they just want you to listen.  I would bet  that if you look hard enough you can find a campus group meeting with free food 3 or more nights a week!  Save your money for partying and eat for free at the various campus groups.